| I'm Lmy. ❃ |
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Friday, January 18, 2013 "You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book (Lady Chatterley, for instance), or you take a trip, or you talk with Richard, and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom(when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this(or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death." , "I am tired when I get up. Life requires an effort I cannot make. Please give me that heavy book. I need to put something heavy like that on top of my head. I have to place my feet under the pillows always, so as to be able to stay on earth. Otherwise I feel myself going away, going away at a tremendous speed, on account of my lightness. I know that I am dead. As soon as I utter a phrase my sincerity dies, becomes a lie whose coldness chills me. Don't say anything, because I see that you understand me, and I am afraid of your understanding. I have such a fear of finding another like myself, and such a desire to find one! I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and ruler of my universe. I am in great terror of your understanding by which you penetrate into my world; and then I stand revealed and I have to share my kingdom with you." (Anais Nin) // don't want this don't want to be waiting or searching all the time and coming up with nothing the word tastes bitter in my mouth, i resent it am i alive "i will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together" -- mira gonzalez is it worth it to place so much of your happiness on someone else i dont know but why am i still here where are you also recently my world is getting smaller and smaller and i am feeling more and more suffocated walls / walls / walls / walls there is nowhere to run where can you run to when the place you are trapped in is you // in public places you sit or stand, quietly
you try to not draw attention to yourself
you are considerate and polite in social situations
you hide certain opinions and express other ones
so that people may perceive you as ‘agreeable’
anyone can enjoy your presence for a short period of time
you allow people to project appealing qualities onto you
and for this reason, they maintain relationships with you
sometimes for a few weeks, or months, maybe a year or two
you lose interest in people quickly, or people lose interest in you
you are unable to discern any relevant difference between those things
you take drugs because they make you feel different
benzodiazepines make you feel detached, affectionate,
as if your opinions and desires exist independently of ‘you’
amphetamines make you feel thinner, more interesting, sociable
you are equally compelled by experiences which have
extremely positive, or extremely negative outcomes
physically attractive people don’t seem appealing to you
you feel attracted to people based on their ability to change things
specifically you, your perception of concrete reality,
the ways in which you assign connotation to memories
you are interested in people who, when thought of years from now,
will cause you to recall certain, specific, crippling emotions (poem by mira gonzalez) 
 credits: skinofrazorfluxflickr / razorflux / xstacy |